I started blogging to find myself again. After a very hard life I had found a wonderful man and we were about to start our life together. I felt inclined to re-discover who I was and start participating in the things I had enjoyed over the years but had virtually stopped doing because of my divorce, lack of time and money....mostly lack of time- being a single, full time working mom of 4 teen girls was...well difficult to say the least!
I am happy to report I am very happy! My girls have flourished here in SC. Their life is secure and happy, I am secure and happy and I look forward to the future I have with my husband David. God has blessed me beyond measure. It's with heavy heart though that I came to the decision to stop this blog. Let me explain:
I had hoped the blog would be a way to re-discover all the things in life that gave me joy and give me an outlet to share my talents and possibly inspire others. I thought the blog would be a wonderful outlet to meet other women with similar interests and have a community where we could share and support one another.
For me blogging has been discouraging and a hit to my self esteem. It takes a long time to take step by step pictures and make a good blog post, but even longer to enter all the parties. I don't mind doing the posts, they are fun for me. The sad fact is this: If you don't enter parties consistently your blog does not seem to grow. I started looking at the time it was taking me to enter the parties and it was starting to become a part time job. I understand the parties are fun, but my time is dear with such a large family and all the activities we are involved in. I struggled with thinking I must not be as good as the other women out there who had families and could manage to do these parties. I realized this: I am not less than anyone. I choose to spend my time away from the computer, walking with my husband, cleaning the house, decorating, spending one on one time with my girls, cooking, creating art, sewing for my niece, making gifts for family, talking with my grandmother and sister and growing that relationship. When I looked at it, I found that those things rated higher on my list than blogging. There's nothing wrong with that right? So when others are getting way more traffic and members to their blog, they deserve it, they have put the dear time into making their blog a success. I was wrong to think I could do a blog and share great projects and it would be enough....beginners mistake. I realized it wasn't that others had a better blog, they just advertised themselves better so there's nothing to have low self esteem about! Problem there solved.
Another goal of my blog was to take baby steps. I am now doing that. Slowly working through my past and healing. Attacking projects and completing them, even slowly. I am doing this DESPITE the blog :) The blog snatched allot of valuable time where I could finish a project, scrub the pantry, take a day trip, do a program on healing the past. Now that I haven't posted in a bit, I have been able to spend more time completing things. Large things that is. I would tackle very small things for the blog because of the pressure to put up another post. Many times I delayed a big project, because I felt it wasn't blog worthy. So eliminating the blog will help me achieve the goal of taking Baby Steps and moving forward.
My last goal was to be able to share and be part of a community. Here's where I felt sad. I really thought sharing projects I'd get some feedback. Not much, but some. The truth is, I didn't. I'd go many posts with no comments except my mom's and sisters. Now while they are dear to me, I needed to know the time I spent maybe, somewhere, touched someone? I'd let people know I'd love comments and yet didn't hear any. I started to doubt anyone followed the blog? Who knows, maybe this blog post will go unread and uncommented on by any one but family? I guess I'm at the point where that's okay. I've always enjoyed sharing and teaching others around me. I was blessed to move something like 18 times! To be honest I am trying not to count!!!! LOL In every place I lived I taught at least one woman a craft or some sewing skill. It gave me joy and I thought the blog would be a great way to meet even more women. I haven't met anyone yet. This is not to say I have not cherished the comments I DID get. I just kind of thought I'd see some regular followers and be able to communicate and share something. Many people I know have had this experience, I have not. You know what? It's okay as well. I enjoyed the projects I did, I enjoyed sharing, and I totally enjoyed getting the comments I did. I just don't know that I am really reaching too many people and the time thing makes it an uneven balance in my life.
Bottom line is. I will still read blogs, I will still create and I'll still grow. I don't have to author a blog to do those things. If anyone is reading this, I wish you great happiness and fun reading all the wonderful blogs out there! I enjoy reading so many of your wonderful blogs and seeing the amazing talent people have. Be happy, be sure of yourselves and enjoy your life. In all things trust in God to guide you and direct your path to what He has intended for you...I am attempting to do that now :)
Goodbye Dear Reader,